"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

I've never been the type of person who's felt lonely when alone. There's a difference between the two, and I've never felt the former. Any time I've been alone I've felt either happiness or indifference about not being in a relationship. But lately, I've been feeling that "loneliness"; and it's weird. It's foreign to me. And it really sucks.

I'm not lonely for the physical stuff - I can always get that. I'm lonely for that someone. Someone I can sit with and talk about nothing. Someone I can have those private jokes with that only we would understand. Someone I can call or text at the end of the night before bed. Someone I can argue with about what to watch on Netflix (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is the funniest show, don't @ me). Someone who could understand me. Someone whom I could understand.

Someone who's comfort seems to correct all the mistakes I was born to make in this world.

Most people would say "just find someone." But that would be a mistake. "Just finding someone" is how most people jump from one short lived relationship to another. And quite frankly - as contradictory as this may sound - I don't really want to be with someone, I think I just want the loneliness to go away. It's not always there, it comes and goes. But when it comes, it's annoying. It's that person on the train who wants to talk to you when you have your headphones on. It's that annoying coworker who wants to sit with you during your break when you're like "buddy can you not?" It's that biological clock that's kicking, just like Mona Lisa Vito's, when I see a cute baby. And as much as I love babies, that feeling of wanting one but not having someone to have them with is really annoying. But I don't want to be with someone to not feel lonely.

I'm fine being alone, just not lonely.